• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

WhyWeSuffer.com

Transformative Insights from Depth Psychology

  • BASIC PRINCIPLE
  • About
  • Services
  • Comments
  • Contact
  • Books
  • Show Search
Hide Search

“Why Am I so Easily Discouraged?”

Peter Michaelson · November 27, 2015 ·

Unconsciously, we hold onto emotional states that lead to discouragement.
Unwittingly, we hold onto discouragement.

In Greek mythology, King Sisyphus was punished for his villainy by having to roll an immense boulder up a hill. After it rolled back down, he had to start over and then repeat the process for eternity. It’s a story for the ages because so many people can relate to feelings of persistent discouragement.

Many people go around sneaking that disheartening feeling into their daily life for hidden or unconscious reasons. Here are ten ways we maintain the emotional conditions that lead to discouragement. With this insight, the boulder stops here:

1 – Comparing oneself to others. Some people are always comparing themselves to others. In comparing themselves, they’re likely to be introducing self-doubt into their assessment. Their conscious intention is usually to feel good about themselves. Their unconscious intention, however, is to entertain the feeling of somehow being a lesser person. They deceive themselves by thinking they want only to feel good about themselves. If they feel smug or superior when comparing themselves to others, they’re using this satisfaction to cover up (defend against) what they don’t want to acknowledge, namely their hidden emotional willingness to experience themselves as the lesser person.

Sometimes, though, the person doing the comparing is quite conscious of feeling himself to be the lesser person. So he’s cultivating that painful impression in a more overt manner. Either way, he’s likely to feel disheartened. When we compare ourselves to others on a regular basis, we’re going to be prone to bouts of discouragement because we’re bringing forth self-doubt and actively undermining our self-esteem. The solution is to become aware of what it means to be comparing oneself to others and to understand that in doing so we’re actually belittling ourselves and setting ourselves up to be easily discouraged.

2 – Chronic complaining. Some among us are chronic complainers. We moan, groan, and whine about the slightest annoyances or challenges. Complaining creates an illusion that we’re expressing some degree of aggression or that we’re entitled to passive feelings of victimization. That illusion is comforting because it hides from our awareness the reality (which is offensive to our ego) that we are indulging in feeling passive and victimized. When we complain a lot about our plight, we’re often expressing how helpless we feel in doing anything to resolve our situation. We’re keeping ourselves entangled in passive and negative feelings, and we will then, of course, easily feel discouraged.

3 – “I’m not supported.” It’s often tempting to feel unsupported by family members, friends, and co-workers, or by a spouse, romantic partner, or life itself. The person might feel, “They should be sharing more of my burden!” He or she might feel defeated by a slow economy and drained when paying bills. The feeling sometimes produces anger. Friends and even politicians might be targeted with resentment because “they’re not doing enough to support my existence.” Certainly, life can be difficult in many ways, but when we unwittingly add our inner weakness to the mix, the feeling of discouragement can grind us to a halt.

Often we unconsciously go looking for the feeling of not being supported emotionally by the attitudes and actions of others. This problem of expecting not to be supported is common among people who had an insensitive, withholding parent. Now we exaggerate the impression of not being supported, while we withhold emotional support from ourselves when we could instead feel strong. We’re not providing enough inner support for our existence, meaning not enough appreciation, recognition, trust, and respect for ourselves. At this point, we want to recognize and understand the inner passivity that maintains us in this weakened state.

4 – “Life is hard.” Often people feel burdened and weighed down by the simple routines of daily life. It all feels like the same old boring existence, day-in and day-out. Life feels like a series of obligations and responsibilities, a whole litany of endless things that must be done and need to be finished. This individual might start to put things off and begin to procrastinate. When this happens, the person is experiencing the simple requirements of daily life as hard-and-fast obligations, as if he or she is being forced to fulfill a series of burdensome impositions. The individual feels this way because he’s experiencing basic tasks and chores through inner passivity. This creates the impression that somehow the individual must expend an inordinate amount of time and energy just to maintain oneself. Here the individual needs insight into how he has emotionally been willing to feel burdened by activities that are otherwise simply part of the flow of life.

5 – “Chip off the old block.” Some of us had a parent or parents who were easily discouraged. Children feel what their parents are feeling through the body language and facial expressions of the parents, as well as through their sighs, groans, and various remarks. We become like our parents in a variety of ways. We often become quite a bit like the parent who we had the most difficulty with and who annoyed us the most. It helps us to be more objective about ourselves if we can recognize the traits in ourselves that correspond with what we disliked in one or both parents. If we had a parent who was easily discouraged, we know we don’t want to follow in that parent’s footsteps.

Mother might have felt that father was a disappointment, or vice-versa, or one or both of them might have felt disappointed in his or her life and accomplishments. The person feels that he or she doesn’t measure up in some manner. Such emotional impressions are common in human nature, and they can produce unconscious expectations of failure and emotional associations with defeat. We have to learn to support ourselves more effectively, and we acquire that ability as we see more clearly how tempted we can be to slip into inner passivity and feel ourselves collapsing inwardly in the face of some challenge. People need to become more aware of their tendency to identify with this default position of weakness in their psyche.

6 –Sensitive to criticism. The criticism of others can often discourage us. Sometimes people are very sensitive to feeling criticized. This feeling originates in the psyche where our inner critic assumes to pass judgment on us and hold us accountable for our imperfections. People who are sensitive to the criticism of others are inwardly intimidated by their inner critic. They take that inner criticism to heart, even though the criticism is often unfair, wildly exaggerated, and completely false. The more they take the criticism at face value, the more easily they’re discouraged. Be more alert to negative inner voices, and understand what they represent so you can stop taking them seriously.

The indifference of others also discourages some people. The weaker we are emotionally, the more we need validation from others in order to carry on. When it appears that the validation is not forthcoming, such people collapse into discouragement. In a sense, the indifference of others is now being used as an excuse, a reason to fall back into the default position of inner passivity and then become indifferent to one’s own aspirations.

7 – Dwelling on mistakes. People frequently dwell on their mistakes. They keep replaying their mistakes in their mind, even those missteps that might have happened years ago. It’s obvious that discouragement will arise from this emotional pattern. Why do people replay painful feelings associated with their mistakes? Our tendency to absorb self-criticism is the problem. As mentioned, many people have a harsh inner critic, and they’re especially sensitive to self-criticism. The inner critic will use whatever “ammunition” works to harass and torment us. If we continue through inner passivity to make ourselves a target for this self-aggression, then our inner critic is able to gun us down even with old bullets, meaning memories of old mistakes, misdeeds, or failures from our past. We want to learn to neutralize our inner critic because it has no business butting into our life and shooting us down with painful allegations of wrongdoing.

8 – Identifying with victims. We can be prone to identify with victims. When we see someone who is being ill-treated, we’re certainly entitled to feel some compassion. But often it’s not compassion that inspires people. Instead, they identify with the victim in a way that arouses their own self-pity. They might, for instance, see a beggar and connect painfully with their own issues involving feelings of being unworthy, unsupported, and abandoned. When they do this, they’re likely to walk right past the beggar without leaving a dollar in his hat because, as a defense, they don’t want to see in him what they have repressed in themselves. However, they’ll feel what they imagine the beggar feels, namely a profound discouragement with life.

9 – Can’t strategize or visualize. People who are easily discouraged often fail to produce a strategy for their advancement. Or they can’t visualize a future laden with success. The person has an emotional block to success. Moving oneself forward requires some aggressive energy, but an abundance of inner passivity in the psyche blocks the development and flow of that energy. This person needs to become more conscious of how he or she sees the world and relates to it from a passive perspective. An unconscious entitlement mentality, which itself is passive, can also be part of the problem. If we don’t see this inner passivity, we take it for granted. It then feels normal to be passive, at which point it’s difficult to escape from under the crush of discouragement.

10 – Misled by identifications. Some people are under the influence of misleading identifications. For instance, they identify with (or relate to) certain celebrities who, while highly regarded in the media, still represent shallow values and exhibit self-aggrandizing characteristics. Many of the anti-heroes presented in movies and fiction are somewhat hollow deeply-flawed individuals who fail to develop morally, spiritually, or psychologically throughout the course of the story. Instead of being inspired by heroic strength, we resonate with their weakness; as a defense, we feel comfortable in the conviction that they’re no better than us.

Many people identify with the politician who represents and “validates” all their own shortcomings and resentments. We’re thrilled by the achievements of action heroes in blockbuster movies because, in resonating with their magical or uncanny power, we cover up our deep identification with weakness and passivity. Often the friends to whom we’re drawn are people who share our fears and insecurities. The more we’re aware of such misleading identifications, the stronger we become.

—

My latest book has just been published. It’s titled, Our Deadly Flaw: Healing the Inner Conflict that Cripples Us and Subverts Society (2022), and it’s available here in paperback (315 pages) or as an e-book.

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Share This:

Filed Under: Depth Psychology, Inner Passivity Tagged With: always complaining, being ill-treated, comparing myself, dwelling on mistakes, emotionally unsupported, life is hard, need to strategize, unconscious reasons

Primary Sidebar

MOST OF OUR suffering is avoidable. Our emotional and behavioral problems can be resolved. We just have to understand how our psyche works. This website is dedicated to teaching vital psychological knowledge. Do you need help to curb drinking or to get off drugs? Are you facing a divorce or a career failure? Are you anxious, depressed, or overwhelmed by life's challenges? Perhaps you're simply unable to get your mind or intelligence into high gear. I can help. I'm Peter Michaelson, an author and psychotherapist in Ann Arbor, Michigan. I teach people how to overcome unconscious programming that produces suffering and self-defeat.

WHY WE SUFFER–THE BOOK

My book, Why We Suffer--A Western Way to Understand and Let Go of Unhappiness, is the story of what mainstream psychology has failed to teach the world. The depth psychology in this book has vital insights, answers, and solutions for you. Click on the Books link above for more information. --

Other Articles

  • The President Hears from Dr. Freud
  • People Who Hate Love
  • The Language that Liberates the Self
  • Dare We See the Trump in Us?
  • The Emotional Catering Service
  • Are You Addicted to Self-Punishment?
  • A Hidden Cause of Loneliness
  • The Impulse to Destroy Democracy
  • We Get Stronger by Seeing Our Weakness
  • The Warmonger in Our Psyche
  • Armed with Stubbornness, the Weak Go on the Warpath
  • How to Rescue Yourself from Suffering
  • My New Book (of Poetry!) Is Versed in Depth Psychology
  • Finding in Self the Richness of Being
  • Sports Fans and Their Discontents
  • Two Terrible Voices in Your Head
  • Why People Support Donald Trump
  • The Vital Knowledge We Disown
  • Climate Anxiety and the Psyche
  • Abandonment, Self-Abandonment, and Democracy
  • Our Readiness to Feel Controlled
  • The Key to Emotional Self-Regulation
  • Seven Villains in a Sad Love Story
  • The Latest Pandemic: Feeling Overwhelmed
  • The Blindness of the Species
  • Why Americans Are So Wretchedly Divided
  • Are You Passive to Your Mind?
  • What Freud Knew That We Still Hate to See
  • The Emotional Conflict Behind 50 Mental-Health Symptoms
  • A Novelist’s Quest to Unravel His Madness
  • When Inner Growth Feels Impossibly Difficult
  • Haunted by Incessant Wanting
  • My New Book: Healing Our Deadly Flaw
  • Inner Conflict’s Role in Child Suicide
  • Putin’s Psyche
  • The Flaw Wars that Sabotage Relationships
  • Can You Be Your Own Therapist?
  • The Difference Between Learned Helplessness and Inner Passivity
  • The Sad Sordidness of Inner Conflict
  • The Deep Knowledge that Liberates the Self
  • The Four Dimensions of Our Ego
  • Are You Overly Sensitive to Rejection?
  • Evolving Consciousness is the Lifeblood of Mental Health
  • Answers to Questions from Readers (Part 9)
  • Don’t Be Duped by Your Defenses
  • The Shocking Secrets of the Psyche
  • The Undercover Enabler of Habitual Oversleeping
  • Understanding the Assault on the U.S. Capitol
  • The Sheepishness of the Psyche: A One-Act Play
  • Three Self-Defeating Reactions at the Heart of American Disunity
  • Answers to Questions from Readers (Part 8)
  • Our Compulsion to Self-Punish
  • Ego and Self Do Battle for the Soul of America
  • The Hazards of Inner Conflict
  • A Toxic Inner Process Afflicts Humanity
  • Don’t Let America Betray Herself
  • Inner Conflict Ripens in the Hothouse of Pandemic
  • Living and Dying with Coronavirus
  • How the Coronavirus Plays with Our Mind
  • Access the Genius Within
  • How Meditation and Depth Psychology Overlap
  • Guilt: A Favorite Way to Suffer
  • Understanding the Psyche of Boys
  • The Joy of Militant Ignorance
  • Answers to Questions From Readers (Part 7)
  • Breaking the Chains of Self-Imposed Oppression
  • Jordan Peterson’s Blind Spot
  • Learning to See Ourselves Objectively
  • When Food is Used to Feed Inner Conflict
  • How You Can Save the World
  • The Inner Critic is a Primitive Brute Force
  • The Self-Defeat of Passive Morning Thoughts
  • Get Rid of Guilt with Deeper Insight (II)
  • Discover Sublimation, the Agent of Success
  • The U.S. Government’s Flawed Intelligence on Clinical Depression
  • Answers to Questions from Readers (Part 6)
  • 12 Ways We Fail to See or Experience Reality
  • Is Ambivalence a Hidden Factor in Much of Human Misery?
  • Inner Conflict is the Source of Cognitive Distortion
  • A Psychological Hindrance to National Unity
  • A Technique for Overcoming Insomnia
  • Liberals Need More Psychological Insight
  • Why We Urgently Need Inner Truth
  • Notes to Psychotherapists on Addressing Inner Passivity
  • Are You Living Your True Story?
  • Another Visual Portrayal of Our Psyche’s Dynamics
  • Get to Know Your Psyche’s Operating Systems
  • Illustrating the Characters Who Mess With Our Mind
  • How to Love Yourself
  • Don’t Let Inner Passivity Undermine Democracy
  • Connecting With Our Best Self
  • The Deeper Roots of Social Unrest
  • The Las Vegas Killer’s Hidden Motive
  • My Latest Book is Now Available
  • Insight that Conquers Incessant Negative Thinking
  • New Editions of All My Books Now Available
  • The Exhausting Race against Time
  • The Perils of Past, Present, and Future
  • The Mocking Voice of Inner Resistance
  • The Essentials of Empowerment for Enablers and Codependents
  • Answers to Questions from Readers (Part 5)
  • The Appeal of Alternative Facts
  • Are You a Clone of Your Identifications?
  • Unmasking Fear Itself
  • Fundamentalism and the Psyche
  • Ascending to Joy
  • Now’s the Time for Heroes
  • Feeling Like a Fraud or an Imposter?
  • The Invisible Wall of Psychological Resistance
  • Cognitive Therapy’s Flawed Premise
  • Dealing with Election Aftershock
  • After the Election: Healing the Divide
  • Collapsing into Helplessness
  • Solve the Mystery of Your Suffering
  • Answers to Questions from Readers (Part 4)
  • An Insightful Case of Self-Injury
  • Understanding Inner Evil in Mass-Killers
  • A Common Theme in Relationship Strife
  • Breaking Free of Inner Passivity
  • Are You Hopeless of Ever Finding Love?
  • Words to Enlighten Younger Children
  • Deeper Reflections on Inner Passivity
  • Escape the Misery of Moodiness
  • Answers to Questions from Readers (Part 3)
  • Emotional Fortitude for Anxious Times
  • Follow Your Fantasies to Self-Awareness
  • Answers to Questions from Readers (Part 2)
  • The Art of Self-Regulation
  • The Thrill of Fear
  • Answers to Questions from Readers
  • “Why Am I so Easily Discouraged?”
  • Paris and Our Discontents
  • Unconscious Bias in Race Relations
  • Acquiring a Feel for Natural Aggression
  • Defensiveness for Dummies
  • Exposing the Roots of Emotional Suffering
  • Who Wants to Be a Celebrity?
  • Say Goodbye to Your Regrets
  • How to Recognize Good Psychotherapy
  • Visions of Human Destiny
  • Tears of Self-Deception
  • Westerners Who Identify with Terrorists
  • A Decisive Look at Indecision
  • Neurotics on Capitol Hill
  • Inner Passivity Impairs Leadership Skills
  • Hidden Dynamics of Racism
  • Unconscious Factors Fuel Abortion Fight
  • The Two-Minute Inner Workout
  • Defeating the Inner Bully
  • When Life Becomes Unreal and Dreamlike
  • Releasing Inner Passivity
  • Deliverance from Addictions & Compulsions
  • Life’s Painful Entanglements (Part II)
  • Insight into Gender Identity Disorder
  • The Psychology of Wealth Disparity
  • How Do We Achieve Self-Control?
  • Anger and the APA
  • A Painful Game People Play (Part I)
  • Prisoners of Guilt
  • Neurosis Unbound
  • The Lingering Pain of Old Shame
  • Emerging from Shyness
  • An Unconscious Factor in PTSD
  • When in Doubt about Sexual Orientation
  • Why Students Fail to Learn
  • How to Enhance Your Verbal Skill
  • Be Brave when Truth Comes Knocking
  • What Warps the Mind of Domestic Terrorists?
  • Greed as a Mental-Health Disorder
  • The Core of Being
  • The Folly of Modern Psychology
  • The Scoop on Intimate Partner Abuse
  • Tormented Mothers, Endangered Babies
  • Terrific Knowledge for Trying Times
  • Stung by Ingratitude
  • How to Be Your Own Inner Guide
  • Does Inner Growth Require Practical Steps?
  • A Remedy for Feeling Trapped
  • The Golden Rule Needs Depth Psychology
  • A Deadly Case of Inner Conflict
  • Vital Knowledge for Marriage Intimacy
  • Stressed Out in America
  • Four Steps to Stifle Our Inner Critic
  • Oh, Sweet Narcissism
  • The Pain We Lock Away
  • Cognitive Therapy’s Distorted Thinking
  • Indecisive No More
  • Chasing the Shadow
  • How Inner Passivity Robs Men of Power
  • A New Understanding of Bipolar Disorder
  • A Chaos Theory of the Mind
  • Free Yourself from Inner Conflict
  • Curbing Our Appetite for Brutality
  • The Futility of Compulsive Approval-Seeking
  • How Worriers Unconsciously Chose to Suffer
  • Get to Know Your Psychological Defenses
  • The Love Song of the Self
  • Finding Inner Longitude
  • Overcoming a Type of Resistance to Studying
  • Understanding Anorexia
  • The Human Weakness behind Alcoholism
  • Rebutting 9/11 Conspiracy Beliefs
  • Achieving Inner Freedom
  • The Mysterious Allure of Kinky Sex
  • Hooked on Deprivation
  • Aspects of Women’s Empowerment (Part II)
  • Men’s Resistance to Women’s Empowerment
  • The Missing Link in OCD
  • A Hidden Reason for Suicidal Thoughts
  • Overcoming Fear of Intimacy
  • O Shame, Where is Thy Secret Source?
  • The Correct Interpretation of Our Dreams
  • Escaping the Clutches of Helplessness
  • The Double Barrels of Gun Mania
  • Exterminate Infestations of Negative Thoughts
  • The Psychology Behind Mass Shootings
  • Our Messy Mix of Aggression and Passivity
  • Speeding Up Our Evolution
  • Why Our Emotional Suffering Persists
  • Easing Tension and Stress at Family Gatherings
  • Wallowing in the Lap of Bitterness
  • The Hidden Dynamics of Marital Strife
  • The Psychological Roots of National Disunity
  • The Futile Dialogue in Our Head
  • Psychologists of the World, Go Deeper
  • When You Feel Bad About Yourself
  • Cultivating a Life of Disappointment
  • Lost in the Fog of Inner Passivity
  • The Private Joke behind Our Laughter
  • Why We Fear and Hate the Truth
  • When Eyes Are Blinders of the Soul
  • How Deeper Insight Relieves Stress
  • When Money Enriches Our Suffering
  • The Common Ingredient in Human Misery
  • The Infantile Basis of Our Fears
  • Cynicism: The Battle Cry of the Wimp
  • Desperately Seeking Validation
  • Being Seen in a Negative Light
  • The Need to Believe in Yourself
  • Why We Dither on Climate Change
  • Avoidable Miseries of the Workplace
  • Taming the “Little Monsters” of Insomnia
  • A Plague of Neurosis Upon Our House
  • The Origins of Feeling Overwhelmed
  • Teach Your Children Well
  • Why We’re Quick to “Go Negative”
  • 8 Ways We Sabotage Physical Health
  • Occupy the Psyche
  • The Astonishing Basis of Our Addictions
  • Deliverance From the Lonesome Blues
  • Our Global Strategy for Self-Defeat
  • The Mayo Clinic’s Bogus Psychology
  • The Meaning of Evolved Consciousness
  • The Hanky-Panky Behind Our Anger
  • Lincoln’s Integrity, Our Integrity
  • Stubbornness: The Guts to Fight Reality
  • A Participant in National Self-Sabotage
  • Underlying Dynamics that Breed Bullies
  • Deliverance from Low-Level Anxiety
  • The Politburo in Your Psyche
  • Nagging: Love Destroyer, Marriage Killer
  • A Singular Cause of War
  • The Temptations of the Injustice Collector
  • The Dire Determinants of Divorce
  • Enjoy the Quality of Your Consciousness
  • The Helplessness Trap in Cravings & Addictions
  • Mark Twain’s Mysterious Misery-Machine
  • Obesity and the Dopamine Fallacy
  • Four Favorite Ways to Suffer
  • The Deeper Issues that Produce Meanness
  • Panic Attacks Arise from Within Our Psyche
  • The Overlooked Factor in Criminal Behavior
  • The Three Amigos of Woe
  • Overcoming Incompetence and Its Miseries
  • Three Great Truths from Psychology
  • The Hidden Cause of Clinical Depression
  • Terrorism and the Death Drive
  • Welcome Aboard the Voyage of Self-Discovery
  • The Bittersweet Allure of Feeling Unloved
  • How Inner Fear Becomes Our Worst Nightmare
  • The Problem with Positive Psychology
  • Respect, Disrespect, and Self-Respect
  • Neither a Procrastinator Nor a Dawdler Be
  • Prose to Shatter Writer’s Block
  • Stop Smoking through Psychological Insight
  • The Secret Allures of Pornography
  • How Deeper Awareness Can Eliminate Shame
  • When Sexual Desire Covers Up Self-Sabotage
  • The Dreary Distress of Boredom
  • Problem Gamblers are Addicted to Losing
  • The Tyrant that Rules Our Inner Life
  • The Negative Emotions Behind Addictions
  • Beware the Limitations of Superficial Psychology
  • Get Rid of Guilt with Deeper Insight
  • Riding the Emotional Wave of Turbulent Times

Article Archives



Copyright © 2025 WhyWeSuffer